发信人: adimple (细水长流), 信区: man
标 题: ZT: How to charm the male mind
发信站: BBS 未名空间站 (Mon Mar 17 14:26:48 2008)

http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=9374&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=544657&menuid=6>1=26000

How to charm the male mind
By Chelsea Kaplan


Many single women think that what men want out of a relationship is
radically different from what they hope for. “He just wants to date around,
” “He’s looking to have fun, period,” and “Why does he say one thing
and do another?” are the kinds of comments they often make. But the
opposite sexes are actually very much alike when it comes to love, if you
know how to read between the lines, says Greg Gilderman, author of She’s
the One: The Surprising Truth about What Makes a Woman a Keeper. Here, he
reveals what men really look for in a woman—and how you can use that info
to your advantage!

Q: In your book, you say that “good guys” ultimately want the same thing
out of a romantic partner that women do. Before we get into what these
qualities are, can you shed some light on who the “good guys” are?

A: “Good guys” are the types of men who aren’t hoping for life to be an
extended fraternity party, who don’t want only sex and who don’t need to
be tricked into long-term relationships. Despite what you might read in
magazine advice columns, the vast majority of men really aren’t this way.
The truth is that 90 percent of American men have been married by the age of
40, which, if you subtract prison inmates, is almost the entire straight
male population. I don’t believe those guys have been tricked or
manipulated. They wanted to be married. [$MSN.ARTICLE.CTALINKS$] Q: So what
are the qualities and behaviors “good guys” looking to be in a long-term
relationship are seeking in women?

A: Men ultimately do want long-term, exclusive relationships — some at 20
years old, some at 30, almost all by 40 — and if you ask a married guy why
he’s with his wife, unless he’s Ice T, he won’t say just “her butt.” He
’ll say it was her intelligence, her humor, her values, her potential as a
good mother, and the fact that she just makes him feel relaxed and loved. It
is women who display qualities like this that charm men, pure and simple.

Q: What are some of the most common ways that single women turn off men?

A: A prime example: asking too many “Where do you see us in five years?”
type of questions early on in a relationship. You see it on those dating
shows all the time: a couple is happily rock climbing, the woman suddenly
asks something like, “Do you want to have kids some day?” and the guy
looks like he’s been hit with a Taser.

Q: Why do men react this way?

A: While it’s odd when you consider that most men, like most women, have
marriage and children as a goal for their lives, I think it comes down to
biology: Men just have a greater natural impulse to have more partners than
women do. It’s possible that men are simply wired to be resistant to the
idea of monogamy, at least initially. If you’re looking to really charm him
, keep these types of questions out of the conversation until you’re well
into a serious relationship.

Q: What else is a “don’t” when it comes to attracting a guy?

A: Aloofness. Sure, it’s good not to inundate a guy with phone calls or
emails after the first date or two. And yes, every guy likes a little bit of
hard-to-get from a woman. But at some point, it’s best to recognize that
guys are as insecure and flawed as you are, and being told or being given
signs that we are liked is often what gets a relationship off the ground.

Q: Some women are man-magnets, plain and simple. What do you think is their
secret?

A: I can remember as far back as junior high school that there were always
one or two girls all the guys liked best. Although they were certainly
attractive, they were never the very best-looking, but they had some kind of
spark that just drew guys to them. They could laugh with the guys without
being one of the guys and they had a way of making guys feel relaxed and
good about themselves.

I also think context plays a role in this kind of attraction. Have you
noticed that an otherwise unremarkable straight guy in a ballet class will
seem far more magnetic than he would at a math convention? By putting
himself in a context that benefits him — being the only guy in classroom of
women — he improves his chances of getting a date. It’s no different when
the tables are turned, and it’s one woman in a sea of men.

Q: So how can women use “context” to their advantage when looking to
attract men?

A: Consider all of the social contexts in which you come into contact with
men. Are your friends, co-workers and classmates all women? If so, is there
a way to get around more guys on a regular basis, especially as one of the
only women in the room? If the answer is yes, do it. If not, wrack your
brain to come up with ideas (a hint: think sporting events, billiards bars,
an auto show, an outdoor basketball court or a steakhouse). I promise you’
ll get positive romantic results.

Chelsea Kaplan’s blog, “I’m Somebody’s Mother?” can be found at www.
chelseakaplan.com. For the other side of this story, read How to charm the
female mind.
--

※ 来源:·WWW 未名空间站 海外: mitbbs.com 中国: mitbbs.cn·[FROM: 198.95.]